In the spirit of the holiday season, we’ve enlisted our favorite saucy minx — Madame — to make her list, check it twice and dish on the Naughtiest Celebrities of 2010. Because who really cares about the Nice?
We caught up with the well-preserved puppet princess at Club Cafe in the South End yesterday, where she’ll perform tonight and tomorrow night.
Shall we begin with pop tart Miley Cyrus?
“Smiley Serious? That’s what I call her. She’s such a flip-flopper, isn’t she? First she’s a virgin, now she’s not,” sniffed Madame. “You know, I went to her house the other day. I rang the doorbell and it went, Big BONG!’ So I think (the salvia thing) is all true. One lump of coal for her!”
How about Tinseltown trainwreck Charlie Sheen?
“The sheen has rubbed off on him, hasn’t it? I spent 20 minutes with him once and it cost me 500 bucks.”
Wait a minute, Madame. He’s supposed to pay YOU!
“I know that! That’s what makes him so bad!”
Do you follow football? What about bad boy Brett Favre?
“Of course I follow football. I’ve had a couple of touchdowns in my day. He’s the one who sent the nasty she-mails? And he’s married? Lump of coal for him!”
Speaking of sexting jocks, how ’bout that hoop hunk Tony Parker?
“Oh my, Eva Longoria should have tied a noose around his neck when she married him. Oh, look! He’s on a Slinky! Pull him back! Cheater,” she spit. “One lump of coal, please.”
And what about poor Sandra Bullock?
“Poor Sandra Bullock was left behind in the 80s, but wealthy, old Sandra Bullock, well, what a hold up that was, Jesse James!”
You know he cheated on wealthy, old Sandra with women with tattoos . . .
“So basically, he left her for a man,” said the horrified ex-“Hollywood Squares” star.
Any other saucy celebs you’d like to gift with coal?
“Well, you know, most people think Lindsay Lohan is not nice, but I like her,” said Madame. “I sent her a bottle of Adderall and a nail file. I wanted her to get out (of rehab) and have a merry Christmas.’’
BTW, Madame refused to even acknowledge Hollywood nasty di tutti nasties, Mel Gibson. According to her handlers, Mel’s on Madame’s list — but it has nothing to do with Christmas!
